While practicing the ‘pink’ bike -- be it on the huge ground near the peepal chautara or on the streets – I have seen many many many little boys on their bicycles who are wheeling it about and showing off their dare devil stunts. It took sometime for me to realise that there aren’t many little girls on their little bicycles doing the same.
These little boys as young as three for four -- falling down, picking themselves up and getting themselves back on their bikes, and riding it with full force and intensity – is this what is giving them that boost of confidence. Little girls don’t get that – do they.
The first time I was able to ride on the streets – The sense of freedom and confidence and achievement I felt – I pedaled away to glory. Isn’t it such a wonderful thing that these boys have been feeling that since they were so little, just to think of all the confidence they have accumulated over the years.
For someone like me – for whom fear seems to be a predominant factor that rules my life, the sense of letting go, speeding like crazy and doing stunts seems nothing but outrageous; I am realizing that learning how to ride a cycle at an age when speed gives you thrills, versus speed gives you chills are completely different things. Getting on that bike when you have no sense of fear or shame or judgement must be different.
The e-bicycles got here a couple of months back and now that the initial excitement over and months later I am still struggling like anything. Every time I get on the bike the constant, consistent fear that I just can’t seem to let go of – while going downhill – what if I fall down face first smack on the ground. A fear that loves to hug me tight and refuses to budge.
So many times I just get off and drag it along – the slightest downhill – a traffic heavy street – a roundabout – and countless other places. I was feeling pretty low and out, esp after seeing all the male teachers whistling by smoothly on their bikes – I lost all motivation and confidence and gave up. But then I had to give a pep talk to myself and remind myself that – they have been doing that for the last 30 years – you have done it for the last 3 weeks – things will be different, and so I got on my bike again, still a little shaky and scared.
What really helped though was talking to the female teachers – they had the same fears that I had – they were nervous, scared, terrified – that was such a huge relief to know. I was not all alone in this. It was the same for everyone.
This thought crops up at times -- maybe we will join the next bike ride -- feeling jittery and nervous and a yet with a heart full of excitement. And when we reach the roundabout at Yeri chowk and see bikes and tempos and trucks whizzing by from all directions-- we will feel a shiver run down our spines. We might just slow down and as our eyes meet – we shall tell each other – I am as scared as you, but we got this, let’s do this. And with our hearts pounding, our hands a bit shaky and our wobbly knees, we shall soar.
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